For some time now there has been a word that we all feel like we can’t say … can’t have thoughts on .. can’t be vocal about … The A word is Anxiety
Most people have some form of this weather it is strong or not .. it’s there like a bad friend on a drunken night
Anxiety is “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. “
I have anxiety .. I have an unwelcome uneasy feeling that sometimes I just can’t get past .. It’s like a bad house guest that just won’t leave that also tells you how crappy you are ..even though you know you’re not
Anxiety can stop you from living your life .. doing things that you normally would be able to do no problem .. For me its driving outside my safe zone and routes .. thank you car accident .. It can also accelerate things .. you didn’t reply right away to a text , you’re a bad person .. did you lock your door , you better go back and check .. did you leave something turned on, oh no your house is going to burn down .. For me anything slightly misfortunate happens and I go to the extreme .. When I was younger I lost my job , right away I went to I’m going to lose my car .. my precious car ( I had a new job in a week ) or even 2 years ago I was laid off twice in 7 months .. I thought I was going to have to sell my condo and my car and move home I was never unemployed more than 2 weeks .. I would have been ok .. but no it was defcon 5
Anxiety is pretty Isolating too .. do I want to go out and have fun with my friends .. of course .. It hurts how lonely I am inside .. but can I do anything about it .. sure cant!! I feel like when I reach out to my friends that have told me that they are there for me no matter what that I’m just bothering them .. When they don’t text back right away I feel like they are mad at me or I did something wrong .. So I sit at home on my couch feeling like an unliked bother because its crippling .. I’m told that if I need something or someone my friends are there for me which is so appreciated .. but do you think I can ask for the help when I need it .. nope!
I also am unusually hard on my self .. My parents have never been anything but supportive yet I demand perfection of myself and when that’s not there I am a failure .. I bought my house when I was 25 because I decided that I needed to before I turned 26 .. I put my career in front of my happiness and became the operations manager for BC .. I was the Boss of a multimillion dollar branch .. people trusted me with employees !! I had my own brand new car .. I had a healthy RRSP all when I was 29 .. I put other stuff ahead of my happiness then 30 hit .. I lost my job and felt like I had nothing to show for my life so far … I was single with no job I failed myself
I have spent the last 2 years trying to date .. I start to talk to one and I want to meet them but what if they don’t like me .. I don’t even like myself half the time how could anyone want this .. I’m not good enough for them .. really I could go on but this isn’t meant to be a pity party .. I go all in when I meet someone and think wow this is going to happen and then they turn in to the normal Vancouver special .. see prior blog posts… they treat me like I’m disposable but I still always give them another shot .. oh yeah anxiety messes with your self-confidence if you haven’t noticed yet .. super rad it also makes you a worrier .. I always need to try and fix things and be there for everyone ahead of myself obviously .. others are more important . have to make them happy so they like you and want to be your friend
So how do you fix yourself .. for me I go to therapy usually once a month .. mostly to help me with my driving anxiety , but dealing with that has brought out all these other things that need to be dealt with .. super fun !! you go to a place where I don’t know isn’t an answer .. your vulnerable you have to be open with a stranger when most of the time you’re not even open with your self .. and trying to figure out the disconnect of what you know is true and what you feel .. cause let me tell you those are not the same and usually are the complete opposite .. a downside to anxiety is it usually brings his old friend depression along with makes you feel sad and alone just because.. I feel that my anxiety makes me depressed by isolating myself and not asking for help .. you can work yourself into a pretty dark place if you let it .. for me it usually wins .. I’m lucky I don’t go to a bad bad place because some people may feel that is their only options and help is too far away ..
If you have a friend that is like me or has some of the withdrawn , not themselves signs .. ask them to go do stuff .. it honestly means the world to feel included in others’ lives and I love the human interaction .. I crave it ! and even myself I see these things in some of my friends and I make it a point to ask them out and about even though its killing me to be out but I know how much it means to me I can only assume that it means that way to them as well
Anxiety and Depression are a mental illness .. people need help and a someone to listen .. If you can be there for someone you will make some ones days by just listening .. Bell Let’s Talk days are super important to helping raise money to provide help for people who don’t have the means to help themselves .. so Retweet that tweet .. Share that Picture .. Use the hashtag .. it matters to someone … It matters to me
Here are a couple really well written articles that are worth a read to get some perspective about how someone is feeling