Being Vulnerable

I know I haven’t written about much of anything lately .. be busy enjoying my life .. shocker I know .. but I have been learning about how anxiety plays a part in relationships and how to not come across at that crazy girl .. and we have all been there lets be reasonable here ..

I know I’ve written about people that leave your life and come back expecting it to be the same … well what if someone does come back in to your life and everything is the same .. it’s a calm comforting feeling I can say .. weird but a good weird .. almost meant to be.. yes you are reading correct .. I am saying all this .. but sometimes it’s just true .. pieces for the most part just fall into place sometimes and you have to just let them

Letting things fall where they may is pretty effing scary for someone who likes to have some control and know what’s going on .. when you have to deal with another human and their feelings sometimes you can’t have that control .. sometimes you have to move at their pace even if you want to put them on your couch and tell them to never move .. cause that would be pretty rad too ! the other kind of scary thing is you have to be vulnerable around them you have to let them in to your world .. now if your me you have held back a little bit cause I know I’m a lot to handle and I really don’t want to scare the poor guy off .. I really like him and I want to always talk to him .. when I don’t that’s when my anxiety takes a toll .. I don’t know what we are .. he wants to take things slow .. which I totally understand why .. I respect it and I don’t want him to feel pressured at all !! but then you don’t hear from him when you normally do or a whole night passes without even a hey .. the mind goes right to “he’s dating others and he’s going to find better then you .. they always do” .. I don’t think this is the case but it’s really hard not to think this way .. your kind of programed to think and believe the worst and not the good .. it really sucks … Lucky for me I have a couple people to bounce off the crazy so I don’t lay it on him .. the last thing I want to do is make him feel bad or pressured in anyway , but then again it would be kind of nice to know what we are .. are we seeing each other or dating   is it exclusive or do I need to be on guard .. he’s definitely a catch that any lady would be lucky to snag !

I don’t know where it’s just me being a girl or where anxiety starts but it makes it that much harder to just open yourself up and let a person know the whole you … The lack of control or knowing is a tough thing to wrap around too .. Anxiety is the greatest relationship killer out there .. but I’m proud of myself so far .. not saying no .. getting out of my comfort zone .. being open to the great things that come from this if anything .. regardless of where this could go , it’s shown me the rewards of letting yourself be open to happiness and mushy stuff .. who knew I was a cuddler and love PDA, and here I thought I was just dead inside !